Put it on my tab

Rules for leaving your credit card at a bar with an open tab:

1) Don't tell anyone you don't trust (or know) you've done it
2) Don't open a tab for yourself if you only intend to have one drink (you're only tempting fate)
3) Don't drink so much that when you leave the bar you forget to cash out and get your card back
4) Call the bar once you get home and realize you left your card with an open tab (they'll put your card in the safe until you're sober enough to drive back and get it)

Can you guess which of the above happened to me?
2 million zarquats if you guess right!

It's the table, stupid

What's wrong with it? All day I worked on putting something ONTO the table just right. Not just one something, it was several somethings. Then, with half the day spent, I noticed it. The TABLE wasn't right...why didn't I see that when I got started? Or at any time between then and later (when it was too late to undo what was already done)?

Because it was the table, stupid. No one ever looks at the actual table before putting things on it. Is it too high? Too low? Not level?

Three hours later, with a table worthy of a robot wars competition completely disassembled (it wouldn't fit in my car as a whole table), I had to go back to work to give over these proto-table parts to someone who specializes in table design (obviously! since it was this same person who had given me a custom built, incorrectly sized one to begin with) and have them make the table three inches shorter.

Somewhere, there is some minor demon laughing its ass off. I'm sure of it.

Rhymes with Ubiquitous

I don't remember when I last wrote a poem. It was quite a long time ago. I used to be a prolific writer. It was somehow easlier to express those things which words fail to describe by putting them into some form of whimsy.

No doubt you'll be crying aloud in vain about "Well, where is it then?"

Tsk, tsk....

I have an irrational fear that were I to put my ramblings into the public eye, no doubt many years later I would come to find someone other than myself had claimed to have written them.

Maybe some day I'll collect them all up, hand them over to someone with my best interests in mind, and reap my just rewards.

Uh huh.